An Overview Of Parenting Books

The best parenting books are the ones that are written by those with a story to tell about their own experiences. It can be difficult to want to even look at a parenting book featuring authorship by a person that is not even a parent, as his or her advice is typically coming from a place of general ignorance.

As parents, it is common to wonder how a person with no child-raising experience is at all qualified to write parenting books. Instead, most parents want a book written by someone with knowledge of parenting and all of the trials involved in the most harmful and dangerous of life's professions.

Many parenting books tend to take a viewpoint that looks at it as parenting from the inside out. This simple philosophy refers to the notion that authors of these books are reflecting on their own personal experience as a parent and are, therefore, offering parenting advice from someone experienced with parenting from the inside out. As someone who has been down many of the same roads before, parenting advice can typically be well-founded when it comes from an experienced parent.

Of course, not everyone that writes a parenting book needs to undergo systematic training for effective parenting. Often in lieu of systematic training for effective parenting, an author of parenting books may have a degree in pediatrics and may be experienced in child psychology. The author can then approach the prospect of writing parenting books from a position of expertise and not necessarily a position of experience.

In this matter, the advice and words from an author with such expertise would be well-founded, but the matter of whether or not it would be as broadly accepted as the same advice from an author that was an actual parent is another matter altogether.

Various BBC parenting specials, for example, often utilize the advice of several of Britain's highly trained pediatricians in their construction. These BBC parenting specials ask for advice from several of the UK's top experts on parenting and piece together a feature documentary based around that qualified information. The BBC then also asks the advice of parents.

In many of these specials, it is often amusing to examine the differences in advice given from the childless experts in comparison to the seasoned veteran parents. While both pieces of advice are typically genuine and can be considered "right", it seems that the advice from the actual parents in these cases is generally more realistic and based on actual experience as opposed to potential theory.

Parenting books are put together in the same fashion sometimes. Sometimes, a parenting expert will write a book based on the theory that they know of. Other times, a parent may pen a good parenting book.

Both books will contain good selections of advice and both books will be carefully researched, but parents may find that one type of parenting book may be more paramount in terms of their particular needs than another.

Regardless of the point of view, parenting books are often very helpful to parents who have lots of questions. Seeking out good advice can be difficult, but most of the parenting books on the market either contain advice based around specific experience or around specialized training from a proud academic.

Parenting books can be extremely helpful in developing a variety of parenting techniques and can offer new choices and solutions to parents in need of change.

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Ten Points to Reduce the Stress of Parenting

Parenting is the most difficult and most important job we ever do. Unfortunately, despite the degree of difficulty and importance of the work, no one teaches us how to do it. Fortunately, there are many child raising experts who can help. I will mention a few experts; whose work I believe is valuable, throughout this article and I encourage readers to find experts whose work they like.

• Parents must be healthy, physically and psychologically. When parents feel comfortable with who they are they are free to give their children true, deep, unconditional love. Parenting is not about the parents, no child has ever asked to be born. A child's very existence is the responsibility of the parents, and it is the parent's responsibility to raise their children using healthy parenting skills. Parents must be able to understand why children behave as they do and not take a child's (from 1 day old to 18 years) behaviors personally. Jean Piaget made wonderful progress in the understanding of child development. A child's behaviors are not about the parent, and it's the parent's responsibility to help children learn how to manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviors, so they can grow up to be healthy members of society. This takes tremendous self-awareness from parents. Self awareness leads to awareness and understanding of others.

• Unconditional love involves praising children as much and often as possible. This does not mean unrealistic praise, because children intuitively know when they have not earned praise. It does mean age appropriate praise. So, when an infant focuses on someone's face and smiles at the person, praise is appropriate, because the infant is just beginning to learn how to interact. It is appropriate to praise babies when they take their first steps, because walking is a skill they need to learn. Praising a toddler for making scribbles on a piece of paper is appropriate, because the toddler is just learning how to do this. Victor Lowenfeld defined the stages of art development children go through. Praising toddlers for eating a few bites of healthy food, before they get a sweet is appropriate, because although babies crave sugar, it is important for them to learn how to eat healthy food. Praising a three-year-old for learning to use the potty is appropriate. The human brain is not fully formed until we are in our early 20s. Praising children, appropriately and according to their stage of growth, is important throughout childhood. This builds their self esteem and happier children reduce the stress of parenting.

• Playing with children is another way to give them unconditional love. The more you enjoy playing with your children the less stressful your job will be. Playing with your children is bonding with them, which parents and children need. Indeed, there is a book titled; "Play; How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul," by Stuart Brown and Christopher Vaughn. One of the chapters is titled "Parenthood is Child's play." Doing some research about play with children will help you use approaches to playing with them that are age-appropriate. Learning about age-appropriate play is an investment in your relationship with your children which will help you feel less stressed. It is also important to play with children using a variety of areas of play so they may become well-rounded adults. If you like using art supplies, it is best to start using those supplies with children, early, during their formative years, because they will grow into enjoying that sort of activity. The same is true with physical activity. If that is something you want your children to learn to enjoy, the earlier you begin to teach them how to enjoy physical activity, the better. Play is not something that can be forced. If you want your children to enjoy swimming, don't try to force them to do it. If they don't seem to enjoy doing it now, but see that you enjoy doing it (by example) they may take it up later in life. Music is another area of play that can bring great pleasure to most people. However, if it is forced on children they might rebel against it and never get to enjoy it. Parenting is a balancing act!

• Sharing the responsibility of parenting with at least one other person should reduce the stress of parenting. Preferably, both parents are involved, and both are physically and psychologically healthy and mature. When two parents are involved it is important for them to discuss parenting techniques to learn what they can agree on, and where they disagree and need to negotiate. Children are brilliant at splitting parents, if they know their parents disagree about something. For instance, if one parent does not believe it is important for children to eat their vegetables before they get their desert, the children will do their best to get that parent to make decisions over the other parent. That can cause dissension between the parents, and an unhealthy, stressful situation is set up. When parents are in extreme disagreement with each other, about how to raise children, the stress in the family increases tremendously. Parents must learn how to work with one another.

• Rules, limits and boundaries are everywhere in society. Freedom is not free. To have some semblance of order in society, we need rules, limits and boundaries. Raising children without rules, limits or boundaries sets them up to fail in a society where rules, limits and boundaries are necessary and in use. Because it is against our laws to assault another person, children need to learn how to treat other's with respect. It is imperative for parents to discuss with each other what rules, limits and boundaries they want to use. This can begin with parents writing out a list of what they value in life and what they want their children to value in life. Do you value sharing with others? Then you will want to teach your children how to share. Do you value the earth? You will want to teach your children how to live without polluting too much. Do you value kindness? You will want to teach your children how to be kind. These are just a few of the various areas that parents need to discuss and come to some sort of agreement about. Do you value independence? Then your children need to learn how to take care of their belongings and space, beginning in their toddler years. Putting toys away at the end of playtime is a valuable self care skill that toddlers can do and completing that helps them feel self confident.

• Learning positive discipline techniques is also important for parenting that reduces stress. Many good books about positive behavioral disciplining techniques have been written. My favorite technique is called "extinction." During the formative years, extinction is done by ignoring behaviors you do not want to continue. Give a behavior that you don't like, less attention, and it will eventually dissipate. This can be hard for many people, and I have had more luck with that technique than with any other. Another positive technique is to talk about the behavior that you don't like, instead of the child. For instance, if a child is standing next to you, in the house and is bouncing a ball, it is preferable to say something like, "Bouncing balls is done outside" instead of "You are annoying me!" In the first statement, the parent is talking about the behavior and making a clear rule. In the second statement, the child is held responsible for the parent's feeling. If parents try to make children responsible for their feelings, children will feel overburdened, defensive and become rebellious. Parents raise the level of stress in the home when they hold children responsible for their own feelings. Children cannot be made responsible for parent's feelings. Parenting is not about the parents. Haim Ginott wrote about a variety of approaches in three books, "Between Parent and Child" "Between Teacher and Child" and "Between Parent and Teenager." All three of these books have contributed greatly to positive parenting skills.

• The broken record technique is another positive assertive parenting skill. This involves calm, firm repetition of your boundary. Using the example from above, if the child resists the "balls are for bouncing outside" rule, the parent calmly, steadfastly repeats, "Balls are for bouncing outside," over and over until the child complies. If a parent can remain calm and firm, the stress level does not have to go up. Parents can outlast children in sort of battle of wills, because parents are, hopefully, more mature.

• Never talk negatively about children to other's in front of them. One way to understand why this rule is important is to imagine you are with two friends. One of your friends turns to the other one and begins to talk negatively about you, as if you were not there. How would you feel? We need to treat children the way we would like others to treat us. Talking negatively about children to other people in front of the children is shaming the children. If we need to discuss children's difficult behaviors, we can do so in a different room. When we treat children as well as we would like to be treated, we teach them positive social skills. We can teach children how to use, "Please" and "Thank-you" as soon as they begin to learn how to talk. The most important way to teach children how to be polite is by doing the same for them. When a toddler gives you something, always say "thank you". You are showing the child appreciation for the generous and thoughtful behavior of giving. If you treat that behavior as if the child is being giving and what they have given you is a gift, the child is learning how to be giving and how to say, "Thank-you." It is always important for us to treat our children with the utmost of respect, that is how they learn they are worthy of respect and to treat others with respect. Talking about children negatively in front of them is disrespectful. Hitting children is disrespectful. When parents behave this way toward children, they are increasing the stress of parenting.

• Pick and choose your battles. This concept is important to understand. The more you fight against, or criticize your children (you are the leader of the parent/child relationship, so you have the power to decide whether or not to criticize/fight) the more stressful parenting is. Therefore, it makes sense to decide what behaviors are worth fighting to change, what behaviors are worth encouraging or discouraging, and what behaviors are worth leaving alone. When a parent stops to think about it, many behaviors can be left alone. Fortunately, the ability to do this connects with the positive, behavioral, extinguishing technique listed above. So, if you decide that a behavior is not worth the fight, and choose to leave it alone, it will probably diminish. Because it is important to encourage children to eat a healthy diet, get enough sleep, share with each other, learn how to resolve conflicts with each other, and go to school; these behaviors are probably worth fighting for. Smaller behaviors that can be left alone might include behaviors that the parent just finds annoying. If a parent finds the behavior annoying, he/she should try to cope with it, instead of criticizing the child. For instance, it is normal for children to make noises. When children make noises it is a sign that everything is okay. Another example; when a child rolls her eyes after being corrected. All human beings, including children, have a right to all their feelings. When a parent scolds or corrects a child, the child will have a feeling in response. It's important to allow the child to have that feeling. That is especially true if the child follows the parent's direction. If she followed the parent's direction, the parent can allow the child to have her feelings and not take it personally. Pick and choose your battles. Relax and allow some things to slide.

• Be consistent and persistent. Children need structure. When children know that a parent is going to consistently follow a schedule and certain rules, they know what to expect next. This gives them the freedom to be creative within the structure created by the parent. They know what to expect, so they can relax and enjoy whatever they are doing. A persistent parent is able to stand by his or her rules firmly. A persistent parent does not allow herself to get frustrated if she has to tell children to do something 3, 5, 10, 20 or more times. This is when a parent can use the broken record technique. A persistent parent does not give in, unless there is a very good reason to do so. Children feel safer when they are with parents who are genuinely, calmly in charge. Parents who are consistent and persistent create a safe haven for their children. Parents who are in charge do not lose their temper or hit their children. When a parent loses his temper, he has raised the stress level for everyone. When a parent feels that angry and frustrated, he needs to take a time out for himself. Dr. Ross Greene is an expert who has developed many good approaches to problem solving with children.

The most important method for reducing the stress of parenting is through loving your children unconditionally. It is a child's job to grow up and become independent. It is normal for children to resist doing what their parents ask. If parents can be calm, persistent and firm about their most important requests, most children will comply, eventually. Children, who are receiving unconditional love, do not want their parent's disapproval. At the same time, they want to be independent. Parenting is a balancing act. The more a parent learns to understand children, the easier the job will be. Parents need to read as much as possible about child development.

Understanding children is easier with the help of experts. When parents know how normal children's behaviors are, they can relax and accept the behaviors that bother them more easily, despite feeling frustrated by those behaviors. Parents can then take care of their own feelings and the stress of parenting is reduced. It is well worth any parent's time to do some research to find experts they agree with. I believe that we have an inherent desire to be "good enough" parents. Most of us want be good parents and do as good a job, or better than the job our own parents did. That is a very healthy desire. It is well worth taking the time to learn more about it and to confront ourselves, when we are behaving out of feeling stressed, and change for the better.

Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children's lives. Annes greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other.

http://www.annescreativetherapy.com

Positive Parenting Plans

And for those with adolescents and teens in Behavior Modification or Boarding Schools

A Parent Coordinator is an impartial third party available to assist parents in resolving issues relating to parenting and other family issues prior to their child moving on to their next program or school after wilderness, or prior to graduation or returning home from their residential program. The assist with:

Clarifying priorities prior to returning home or moving on to their next program or school

Developing a parenting plan that meets the needs of the child and the parents

Exploring possibilities for problem solving

Developing methods of collaboration in parenting

Identifying disputed issues

Reducing misunderstandings

This situation is different than when we are Parenting Coordinator's assigned by the court. In this situation the goal is not to modify any order, judgment or decree of the court. At times parents decide to divorce just prior to, or while their child is attending their residential treatment program or school. One way to help children through this early stage is have the assistance of a Parenting Coordinator to openly discuss what is happening in the family. In some cases, it makes more sense for children to hear about the decision to separate from both parents who have additional support. If this is the case, the Parent Coordinator makes sure that they works with your child's therapist. They repeatedly tell your child that both parents will always love them and that you will always be a family. The difference will be that when they return there will be two households. This is where a Parenting Plan can assist.

The Parenting Plan addresses any concerns the child may have like the need to maintain a relationship with both parents. It is very important that your children understand their relationship with both parents is forever and that they will never be abandoned. The Parent Coordinator can help explain that a divorce does not end your child's relationship with either parent. The marriage may end, however, the parent-child relationship will continue Generally, for a child in a youth program or boarding school, short, clear explanations are best. Remember they do not have to understand everything all at once.

Their understanding of your divorce will evolve as they get older and will change with their age. It is also a benefit that we will be able to work with their therapist in their behavior modification program or boarding school which means they will receive additional support. Another important message for kids to hear is that in no way is the divorce their fault, nor are they able to keep you together. When the idea of parents separating is completely new to your child, reinforce to them that you will make every effort to keep things stable for them. At the same time, let them know about upcoming changes. Remember children will ask the same questions repeatedly. This is normal and is their way of gaining a sense of security and reassurance about the future. It is important to keep your answers simple and consistent.

It is very important that both parents reinforce that the separation/divorce is taking place because of differences between the parents. Working with your child's therapist in their program helps you conduct such conversations without damaging or disparaging remarks about the other parent. Children adjust more easily when parents show a healthy sense of respect and caring for the other parent despite difficult circumstances. Co-parenting responsibilities apply to all parents whether they are married or divorced.

The extent that parents can effectively co-parent their children greatly determines how children will adjust after returning home from their emotional growth program or school. Parents who have a child returning home after graduation or completion of their program will now have to start dealing with more day-to-day issues concerning their child's welfare. Decisions, like those concerning religion, discipline, finances, morality, recreation, physical health, education and emergencies need to be discussed prior to their coming home. These decisions need to be discussed and made jointly. Remember that married parents often have differing ideas about all or some of these issues. This is to be expected. There is no reason to assume that divorced parents should always agree on them either. What's important is how you deal with differences, not that they exist. It is better for parents to agree to disagree and practice compromising than to argue and fight endlessly for their own way. This, however, is often easier said than done.

Parents who chose their battles and cooperate when there are differences are more likely to make healthy decisions for their children. In fact, nurturing an overall spirit of cooperation is more important than parents agreeing on any one particular issue. Also, parents who acknowledge and effectively deal with their own difficult feelings usually have an easier time. On the other hand, recurrent arguments between parents make life difficult for children and parents alike. When parents fight for their own agenda and neglect creating a peaceful environment, their children may develop bitter feelings and have difficulties later in life with their own intimate relationships. Remembering to relate maturely and with a healthy sense of respect for the other parent (even in the face of great differences and in some cases bad feelings) is the challenge for every parent. Fostering such an environment teaches children much about love, life, change, and family relationships. Being in a family style program or outdoor school brings about many changes in the lives of both parents and children. One change for children may be in their immediate support network. This might mean a loss of friendships and school ties. Some parents move to a new community before their child returns home. This move might also include changing relationships with extended family members. To minimize stress on your children and ultimately yourself, work to keep your lifestyle close to what it was prior to your child being in their residential program or school.

When possible, keep friends, family, school, and other community support systems stable. When changes are necessary, make sure you give your children ample notice about them and discuss them with your child's therapist while still in their program. The more comfortable parents are with such changes the more comfortable their children will be. In the days just after your child returns home from their youth program, or wilderness program there is usually an adjustment period that can last for several weeks and oftentimes several months. During this time, people are adjusting to new routines, schedules, and living situations. It may take time for life to seem normal again. Don't worry, eventually it will. Some kids are open about their feelings and the associated changes they experience. Others will be less vocal.

Make room for whatever your children are experiencing. It is a mistake to believe kids must talk about their feelings. Sample Checklist for a stable home environment after your child returns home from their program:

Avoid too frequent changeovers between homes if this is a two household family.

Be nurturing, supportive, and available.

Create routines and schedules.

Develop a firm parenting schedule that provides frequent and regular contact with the nonresident parent.

Do not burden children with adult responsibilities.

Do not rely on children to be your confidants or companions.

End parental conflict, at least within the child's earshot.

Provide clear rules and limits and be consistent

Support children's relationships with their other parent and that parent's extended family.

Seek out other sources of social support for your children.

A well-thought-out and executed parenting plan is an important tool for ensuring the health and well being of your children. A good parenting plan will outline how you will perform co-parenting responsibilities.

It also details how you will handle activities of daily living and caring for your kids. The parenting plan is a living document that must evolve with the needs of your growing children. Therefore, you do not have to include every potential situation you may encounter in the parenting plan. However, it must be revisited regularly to make sure it meets the needs of your family. Children are our most precious resource.

We must protect them from undue hurt and turmoil.

Dore E. Frances, Child Right's Advocate, Educational Consultant & Parent Coordinator
Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
Email: dore@dorefrances.com
Phone: (541) 312-4422
Fax: (541) 312-4420
Web: http://www.guidingteens.com

The Features of Parenting Magazine Online

Parents often say that they know what is best for their children. While this is true, parents must admit that there are times they are clueless as to how exactly they should care for or deal with their children. This is where resources on parenting, such as parenting magazine online, can be of great help.

Obviously, the advantage of parenting magazine online is that it is easily accessible. Since most homes today have access to the internet, all that parents have to do is go online and search for the parenting help or information they need. Parenting magazine online seeks to address all the important and common concerns of different types of parents.

There is a parenting magazine online for parents of babies, toddlers, adolescents, troubled teens, and special children since the demands of each differ. There is also a parenting magazine online that targets moms or dads only, single parents, separated parents, foster parents, step parents and teenage parents.

A parenting magazine online can be a purely internet medium or an online version of a printed publication. In the case of the latter, parents have the option to subscribe to a magazine which they can collect, go back to at any time or lend to other parents. One disadvantage of parenting magazine online is that when their content changes, the previous write-ups are deleted from the site, unless they are archived online.

Nevertheless, a parenting magazine online features a bigger advantage of providing free information, tips and advice on all sorts of parenting concerns. But most sites will feature a parent's club that requires a membership fee. Of course, member parents get to enjoy special support, freebies, and special discounts on child products, for example.

Moreover, member parents get the opportunity to become part of an online community of fellow parents. Such a support group is an excellent source of inspiration, encouragement and confidence for many parents who are struggling with not only the practical aspect of parenting but also the emotional aspect of the experience.

Parenting magazine online is also an excellent way to get free advice from child and parenting experts such as pediatricians, nurses, and qualified counselors. Parents can get specialist advice on a wide range of health, safety and behavioral topics.

Find parenting articles, guidelines, how-to tips, recommendations and other useful information in a parenting magazine online. So, start browsing and begin learning how to become a better parent.

Milos Pesic is a single father and expert in the field of Parenting who runs a highly popular and comprehensive Parenting web site. For more articles and resources on parenting, teen parenting, step parenting, parenting classes and much more visit his site at:

=>http://parenting.need-to-know.net/

Top 10 List for Parents

What is the definition of a "good parent"? Is it someone who is nurturing? Someone who is a disciplinarian? Someone who is a buddy? Perhaps a "good parent" possesses each of these qualities and many more. The challenge of parenting is that each parent must come to know their child - -and themselves -- and make critical decisions regarding the type of parent they will be. I believe that the definition of a "good parent" is a parent who prepares their child to live a life where the parent is no longer needed. In short, a parent who allows themselves to become "not needed" is perhaps the parent who is doing the task of parenting well.

My children, 18 and 17, are continuing towards that ultimate goal. Each day they make decisions that are more and more " their own". In my work teaching parenting at a local community center I have often been asked by clients, "what makes a good parent?" Because the task of parenting is so daunting and each parent and child so unique, the answer to that question is one I approach carefully and thoughtfully and with much humility. Yet, I believe that better parenting makes for a better world and that parenting is done in concert with others who have lived and learned. Here are my suggestions:

1 - Say "yes" as much as possible. Saying yes does not mean no limits. You can say, "Yes, you can have a cookie AFTER you eat your dinner." or "Yes, you can play with your friend AFTER you clean your room."

2 - Hold on loosely but don't let go. Sure, it's a rock song, but it works in most relationships, especially parenting. The goal of parenting is to make dependent people independent in every way: socially, financially, spiritually and emotionally. I compare good parenting to a sledding slope. The first fives years are about the basics: getting all the required gear together, getting comfortable, finding the groove. This is the hard, physical and sometimes exhausting work. The next five years is the trek up the mountain where issues of trust in the parenting relationship are at their most delicate. Kids are asking, "Can I count on you?" during these times and parents must answer back, "Absolutely". The next five years is the trek down where it is all about just guiding and enjoying the ride and recovering from any wipe outs. Celebration and reflection are the hallmarks of this stage.

3 - Know the difference in covenant and contract. A covenant is an agreement based upon one person whereas a contract is an agreement based upon two people. Parenting is a covenant in the sense that love is there for children at no cost, expense or effort on their part. My children cannot earn my love, it is mine to give. There are things in the relationship, though, that need contractual agreements, not necessarily in the legal sense but in the agreement sense. "When you finish your homework, we'll go to the movie." or "when your grades rise, you can have access to the car."

4 - My children are not "mine". I'm grateful (and humble) for being a part of the process of creating my children but they are not mine. I do not own them and in fact, the role I have is to provide them the opportunity for them to be the "boss of themselves" not for me to be the "boss of them".

5 - My children are not to carry on my dreams. What a tremendous burden it is for kids to struggle under the weight of their parents hopes and dreams. I want my kids to have their own dreams, not be burdened with unmet dreams of my life. That means that when they are on the playing field of life -- either metaphorically or physcially - my role is to cheer on my kid and their team. My kids are not there to struggle under my past no matter how glorious or pathetic.

6 - Speak truth into their lives whenever possible. Parenting is an opportunity for parents to create an opportunity where children see themselves in the story of life. This means that parents can literally speak what can be into the lives of their children whenever possible. This is why the messages that parents give their children are so important because from a child's point of view the parent is the mirror in which they see themselves. Sometimes it may sound like a fiction story when you say d, "I know you can accomplish _____ goal!" And sometimes it may be the impossible dream. The goal of dreaming is to create a new reality that can be accomplished simply by seeing possibilities over obstacles, the good in the bad, the possible in the impossible.

Conversely, it is the parents role to guide the child into areas where they may be more suited. While I would never discourage my children to try new things I can see where they may have more natural gifts and can encourage their development in music, arts or athletics whenever I can. The ultimate decision for where I child goes, however, is their own.

7 - Be a screw up - I believe that kids need guidance, not perfection. In fact, I believe the role of parenting is to create completion not perfection. Parenting, by design, is as much about parents formation as it is the kids. This humble approach to parenting is transformative in that parents will learn as much about themselves and the world through the process of good parenting as the kids will.

8 - Companion to #7 - Say "I'm sorry" quickly - I have no problem saying "I blew it!" to my kids when appropriate. The reality is I blow it everyday. While it is humbling to realize that my kids already know more math skills than I ever will, it is also reassuring. No parent can know everything nor can any parent be everything for their child. A parent can, however, let their child know that they are cared for and that they are not alone.

9 - Have a partner - Whether married or not, parents need support. I am grateful for my husband of 21 years who is gifted in ways that I cannot ever be. As our kids have grown up I am comforted by how my husband can untangle a knot with our kids. At other times my parenting skill set may be more suited to a given situation. Knowing the needs of the child and what is most needed at the time is a skill to be learned as you know your child. Be patient with this process and with yourself. (Refer to 7 & 8 above!)

10 - Pray a lot - I believe that kids are part of life's design with a creator that knows everything they need before they ever take a first breath. In fact that is my prayer in the murky days of parenting, "YOU know what they need, help them in spite of me."

Maurie Traylor is the parent of two teenagers, holds a BS in Family Relations and Child Development from Oklahoma State University and teaches Nurturing Parenting for Tulsa Parent Child Center. She believes that good parenting skills can be learned and that good parents make for a better world.

The Most Effective Parenting Styles

Effective parenting technique is a puzzling topic that sometimes burnt out experts and became a topic of brewing debates. However, developmental psychologists only began to study parenting and its influences on children in the 1920's. Most experts studying the most effective parenting technique rely on the concept of Diana Baumrind's three parenting styles, in which was found the authoritative parenting style to be the most balanced and healthiest.

Parenting can be seen as broad and limitless, when taking into consideration the differences in family values within the context of the norm, religious concepts, and many other ideals that shape the way parents deal with their children. Yet, failure in parenting cannot be solely blamed on specific instances but is seen as a typology of general practices of parents.

So what is the effective parenting technique? As broad as it might sound, authoritative parenting combines parental responsiveness and parental demandingness vis-à-vis the age of a child. Parental responsiveness describes a parent's intent to foster self-regulation, individuality, and self-assertion by being supportive of and adjusting to a child's needs and desires. Parental demandingness relates more to controlling a child's behavior that is seen as inappropriate, and a parent's willingness to enforce gentle disciplinary efforts, and confronting a child who intentionally disobeys or has committed a mistake.

You can do age-specific activities or discipline in order to set limitations but not to a point of taking full control over your child's life. Parents, themselves, need to acknowledge differences in personality styles, ideas, and life perspectives especially when a child has grown into an adolescent.

Other experts, meanwhile, advocate attachment parenting as the effective parenting technique to use on infants. Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha, were the first to describe attachment parenting as a style that highly demands responsiveness from parents. This style of parenting negates the popular belief of not responding to a baby's cry immediately so as not to spoil him/her. Attachment parenting advocates believe that crying is a baby's instinctive and survival tool, which is their only means of communication to the world.

Both authoritative and attachment parenting are found to be the most effective parenting styles today, with studies showing positive results from children raised with these styles of parenting. Attachment parenting, in particular, advocates emotional closeness between parents and child to promote self-esteem and social competency later in life. Looking closely, these two styles of effective parenting techniques have similarities in terms of responding to children's needs and correcting ill behaviors in order to raise intellectually, emotionally, and socially-competitive individuals.

Milos Pesic is a single father and expert in the field of Parenting who runs a highly popular and comprehensive Parenting web site. For more articles and resources on parenting, teen parenting, step parenting, parenting classes and much more visit his site at:

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